One of my pet peeves in supervising other counselors and working with my clients is the question “how does that make you feel.” It’s like nails down a chalkboard to me, in fact I am cringing as I write it now. What I see happen when this question is asked or when someone applies it to a statement “He made me feel…” is responsibility for your feelings shift to someone or something else. This makes it easier right? It’s his fault for making me feel this way! It’s my circumstance that made me have these feelings or act on them, I had no choice! Sure, people and circumstances can certainly bring up feelings for you, but ultimately you are responsible for what you do with them and how you let them affect you.
This challenge this week is tough…I hear that someone or something made something happen almost daily, it’s hard to shift the perspective in your head or realize what you can do with a negative feeling…especially if you’ve been blaming others or situations for a long time. If you feel upset after someone says something for example, remind yourself…this is my feeling, what can I do with it? How can I cope with it to work on feeling better? Own it, work through it and remind yourself of what feelings will help you become more resilient and not let anyone or any situation control how you feel! You are in control!